


He Stalks the Night

by PandaHeist



Category: DCU (Comics), Young Justice (Comics)
Genre: But it's there, Gen, M/M, TimKon isn't the main focus, this is pretty stupid ngl
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-05
Updated: 2020-05-05
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:54:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24012412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PandaHeist/pseuds/PandaHeist
Summary: Tim is a vampire. Obviously. Bart has evidence.
Relationships: Tim Drake/Kon-El | Conner Kent
Comments: 7
Kudos: 150





	He Stalks the Night

**Author's Note:**

> I'll be real with you all. This is super dumb.
> 
> Set early 90s YJ, when it's still just Tim, Kon & Bart passing around their singular shared brain cell. Tim may as well just have full custody though.

Bart is fidgeting so hard he’s vibrating through his chair as he waits – _waits! He never has to do that! –_ for Robin and Kon to finish talking. As soon as Robin has turned back to the computer, which is as good as a dismissal from him, Bart zips over and grabs Kon’s arm, trying to tug him out of the cave. Unfortunately super speed doesn’t do much without super strength to back it up. “Kon, I need to talk to you. _In private._ ”

Thankfully Robin just ignores Bart’s poor attempt at whispering. Kon gives him a funny look, but allows himself to be led out of the room at high speed. “What did you do? I’m not about to take the fall for whatever it is. Boy Wonder’s annoying when he’s mad.”

(And maybe a little scary too. And weirdly hot. But Kon’s not about to admit that.)

“Nothing! I didn’t do anything!” Bart yells, coming to an abrupt stop at the base of a nondescript mountain is the middle of who-knows-where. “It’s about what _Robin_ did. Or does. Or might do?”

“Just spit it out already, Bart,” Kon groans. He can already feel a headache coming on. Shouldn’t he be invulnerable to those or something?

“Robin is a _vampire,_ ” Bart exclaims loudly, bouncing on the spot, “I watched this Dracula movie, and then I watched another one, and then I read a bunch of books, and Robin is _definitely a vampire._ ”

“Seriously, man? This is ridiculous. I’m going back to the cave.”

“Wait, wait, wait!” Bart disappears only to return not a second later, arms loaded down with books and DVDs and a long string of garlic hung over his shoulder. He starts flipping through pages faster than Kon has any hope of keeping up with, but Kon’s pretty used to not being able to keep up with Bart at this point. Physically _or_ mentally.

“Okay, look! So they’re all a bit different, but most of it is more or less the same. Robin is like, super pale, right, and vampires are supposed to have heightened senses – Robin notices _everything_ , even when I’m trying _really hard_ not to get caught. Like last week, I was-“

“Bart, focus.”

“Oh yeah! We never see him during the day, he doesn’t sleep or eat-“

“We literally just had pizza-“

“-and his dad is a _giant bat who stalks the night!”_

Kon pauses. “You know… that might be the most convincing thing you’ve said so far.”

“See? Batman and Robin are both vampires, and it’s our job as Robin’s friends to make sure he doesn’t hurt any innocent people!”

“Dunno man, I’m pretty sure if Rob really _was_ a vampire, we’d know by now,” Kon says, raising a skeptical eyebrow.

“Not if Rob doesn’t _want_ us to know. He’s good at secrets! Besides, look at _this.”_ Bart thrusts a book into Kon’s face and aggressively points to a paragraph halfway down the page. “ _Secret powers of seduction.”_

Kon’s face goes pale. “ _Oh my god, Robin is a vampire.”_

“Robin. We know what you really are.”

Tim’s fingers freeze on the keyboard in front of him. There’s no way Kon and Bart could have figured out his secret identity. He always makes sure to avoid anything that could possibly connect him to Tim Drake or Bruce Wayne. Did he slip up somewhere? Batman would be pissed-

Wait. _What_ , they said, not _who._

Turning away from the computer to look at his friends, Tim’s eyes fall to the bundle of garlic dangling from Bart’s hand and the cross Kon has held out in his direction. Bart gets some weird cravings sometimes, but isn’t this a little _too_ weird? And he’s pretty sure the only religion Kon would be interested in would be one involving a mirror.

“You think I’m a vampire?” It sounds ridiculous to Tim’s own ears, and he’s going to feel like an idiot if he got it wrong, but…

“We don’t want to hurt you, Rob. You’re our friend,” Kon says, “That’s why we can’t let you go around attacking innocent people. You’d never forgive yourself.”

“Yeah! You can drink my blood if you want! I heal fast- oh wait, does it hurt? You don’t need to take ALL the blood, right?”

“Guys… I’m not a vampire.”

“Then explain why I feel all weird and tingly every time you look at me,” Kon accuses, crossing his arms defensively. “It’s your weird vampire seduction magic!”

“That’s… um. I feel like that’s probably something you should talk to Superman about,” Robin chokes out, face flushing bright red. Which, weird, because that doesn’t seem all that undead-like.

“But we never see you in sunlight,” Bart calls from where he’s juggling bulbs of garlic, half of them landing on the floor.

“You see me in the sun all the time, Bart.”

“Oh. We do?”

“Yes? It’s two in the afternoon right now. How do you think I got here?”

“That’s. Huh.” Bart stills for a moment. “But… Batman?”

Tim stares blankly at the other two and tilts his head to the side. “Well. Yeah. I’m pretty sure he’s a vampire. Why else would he dress up as a giant bat, right?”

“I knew it! Wait here, I’m going to get some holy water!”

Kon and Tim stare in silence at the trail of dust Bart leaves behind himself on his way out.

Then Kon coughs and looks back at Tim. “So… is Batman really a vampire?”

Tim just shrugs.

BONUS:

Kon picks up one of the books that Bart dragged over from God knows where, a sleek black cover depicting a pair of hands holding a single bright red apple, and flips it over to read the back. “What is this one?”

Bart looks at it and his face screws up into a grimace. “Oh. I didn’t like that one much. It was really weird. I think it’s fiction. The vampires sparkle in the sun.”

Kon’s eyes glaze over a bit as he thinks about how Tim’s pale skin would look, shimmering like diamonds on a clear summer day. He shakes his head and clears his throat with a hard cough, quickly dropping the book back onto the stack. “Yeah. Sounds dumb.”

**Author's Note:**

> Tim may or may not organize an ambush in which he, Kon and Bart attack Batman with super soakers full of holy water, and it may or may not have any effect.
> 
> Also - how long until Kon fully acknowledges his super Not Obvious crush on Tim? Who knows.


End file.
